Fake a great speech

Too many wedding speakers fail because they become overawed by the occasion.

As a result, they rush through their speech, don't look up from their notes and try to hide behind the lectern. 

If you feel nervous about your upcoming speech then you should take some comfort in the fact that everyone gets nervous before a big speech. My best piece of advice if this: fake it until you make it.

I have compiled some of the most useful tips to help you fake your way to a great speech:

1. Chat to the Guests

It can intimidating talking to a room of people you don't know. So why not try to meet them before you speak? This is a tactic used by experienced conference sales people.

There are two big advantages in taking this approach. Firstly, you will find the audience much less intimidating if you recognise their faces. Secondly, I find that the audience will have already warmed to you personally and give your speech a great reception.

2. Claim your space

So many speakers try and stand in a corner or hide behind a lecturn. This is a negative approach that just promotes any feelings of anxiety you may be feeling.  And besides, the audience can still see you anyway!

Instead, stand at the center of the stage, close to the audience and adopt a strong posture.

If you're feeling confident enough, you can add some movement by walking around the stage.  Not only will you look more confident, it will also help work off some of that nervous energy that has built up

3. Check your Posture

Remember what your mum said, "straighen your shoulders!".

Standing strong and tall isn't just for show.  Research shows that adopting a strong posture promotes the release of testosterone which in turn increases your confidence.

So, not only do you look better - you feel better. It's win/win!

4. Don't clasp your hands

One tell tale sign of nervousness is clasping your hands together. It's not a great look because it looks like you are pleading and also stops you from using natural gestures. Try to use gestures as you would in a normal conversatoin with a friend. Gesturing is a very natural part of speaking so if you just keep your hands apart they will naturally start to gesture to support your points.

5. Make eye connection

Nervous speakers either look at their notes, look at the back wall or just dart their eyes from left to right around the room.

Try to make contact with individuals in the audience unitl you finish your point or your sentence.

Visualise like a sports star

On the eve of any big match Wayne Rooney always asks the club’s kit man what colour shirts, shorts and socks the team will wear the next day. 

Why? 

“I lie in bed the night before the game and visualise myself scoring goals or doing well... You're trying to put yourself in that moment and trying to prepare yourself, to have a 'memory' before the game.” 

Knowing exactly what he will wear the next day helps him conjure up a richer, more detailed and authentic vision. “I don't know if you'd call it visualising or dreaming, but I've always done it, my whole life.”

And it's not just Wayne Rooney.  Do you remember Johnny Wilkinsons funny pose he used to pull before any penalty he took?

Before every penalty kick, he used a visualisation routine to help him put the ball between the posts: “I visualise the ball travelling along that path and imagine the sensation of how the ball is going to feel when it hits my foot for the perfect strike.”

The visualisation techniques described above conditions his mind to think clearly about how he will react to certain pressures, situations and problems on the day.

You can consider it a ‘mental warm-up.’

So what has this got to do with making a speech?

You can use exactly the same techniques before any big speech.  You can can prepare for everything from your best posture and body language, and how you will handle any feelings of anxiety, to the awkward questions that might be asked and how you will respond to them. By the time you walk in there, you will feel much more confident.

As part of my speech coaching program, I stress the importance of having a game plan for the wedding day.  A big part of my preparation foray speech includes visualisation exercises.  By the time my client gets up to give their speech.  They have already mentally prepared for the sensation of standing in front of hundreds of people.  This preparation slows the release of cortisol and adrenaline into the bloodstream and ensures a calm and confident speech.

The optimal length of your speech

We've all been through it.  The wedding where the speeches that went on and on.

Most weddings will have speeches that run for about 30 minutes.  But every now and again you hear horror stories of the speeches running for well over an hour. 

You do not want to be the guy stopping people from having a good time!

Why does it happen so often?

I think that many speakers fall into this trap for a number of different reasons:

• thinking you have to fit in an entire life story into the speech 
• not properly timing the speeches in advance 
• not considering how many other speeches there will be on the night

So what is the optimal length of a speech?

Richard Branson recently wrote:

When will people realise that a short speech is so much better than a long speech? Most of what anybody has to say of great note can fit on one side of paper.

And the research backs this up.  People tend to lose concentration after about 10 minutes of  any speech.  Therefore, you should consider 10 minutes to be the absolute maximum length.

My recommendation to clients is the use the following time ranges:

• Best Man Speech: 5 to 7 minutes
• Groom: 3 to 5 minutes
• Father of the Bride: 3 to 5 minutes

How to put it into practice

There are two very simple things you can do to avoid falling into the trap of going long.  

1. Count the words: the easiest way to estimate how long your speech will run for is to simply count how many words are in your speech.  Most speeches are spoken at a speed of about 130 words per minute.  Therefore if you are aiming for a five minute speech, your target is to write about 750 words.

Whenever I write a speech, I have a word count display permanently showing in the bottom corner of the screen.  As I write I am always aware the my speech is within the 5 to 7 minute range. 

2. Rehearse:  Once your speech is written then it's time to rehearse.  And this means rehearsing properly!

It means finding an empty room and saying the speech out loud.  Don't just read out the speech, say it at the same volume and tempo as you intend to do at the wedding.    

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